Every Last Breath - Armentrout Jennifer L.. Страница 12

I snapped my mouth shut. Goodie gumdrops, I was really starting to feel super stressed out.

He wasn’t done. “And why stress over wings in general when you’re going to break someone’s heart?”

“What?” I snapped.

Cayman popped off the bar stool, all grins. “Let’s stop playing around, my own personal Beanie Baby. Zayne’s in love with you. Roth’s in love with you.”

I inhaled sharply, but the air caught in my throat.

“Both would do anything for you—live, breathe and die for you, but you can’t have both of them, Layla.”

My hands fell to my thighs and I whispered, “I know that.”

“And you know which one is the real deal,” he continued, eyeing me intently. “You know, the forever kind of love, so why are you dragging this shit out?”

“I’m not dragging anything out,” I protested. “I was kind of out of it, you know, what with the whole being held prisoner and then nearly killed by my own clan thing. Then I was holed up here recovering, and then yesterday happened.” Frustrated, I jumped off the stool and stalked around the island. “And maybe I don’t think it’s the right time for me to be with either of them. Did you ever think about that?”

Cayman cocked his head to the side. “When is there ever a right time to fully give your heart to another? There are always going to be obstacles. You just have to decide which ones are worth it.”

“Whatever.” I crossed my arms.

He mimicked my stance. “Don’t be a coward.”

“Excuse me?”

“A. Coward,” he repeated, and I briefly considered picking up the vase in the center of the island and throwing it at him. “Not making a choice is the coward’s way out. You love both of them. I get that. But you don’t feel the same kind of love for both of them, and the sooner you accept that, the better.”

“Why are we talking about this again? And why do you even care?”

Cayman smiled. “Because I’m a caring sort of demon.”

“Ugh,” I groaned, throwing up my hands as frustration and panic fought their way through me.

Cayman made it sound so easy, like I wasn’t going to lose one of them, but I was. Call me selfish, but the idea of not having both of them in my life terrified me. “You can be so annoying.”

“Don’t hate,” he said, grinning. “Procreate.”

Now I just glared at him.

“Procreate with the right guy,” he added. “Just wanted to clarify that.”

“Oh my God,” I moaned, leaning over and placing my forehead on the counter.

I stayed like that even after I felt Cayman exit the room—and probably the entire house, because after a few moments, I didn’t sense a demon.

The granite countertop really was cool and smooth, and felt good against my flushed face. Maybe I’d stay like this all day. Sounded like a plan. Better than...

No, not better than listening to what Cayman had said about Zayne and Roth. He was right. Oh God, he was so creepily right. I did love both guys. I really did, and the idea of hurting one of them or losing one of them made me want to hurl, but Cayman was also right about a few more things.

I couldn’t have both of them.

And what I felt for them was different.

There was no hiding that. It had always been that way. Both made me happy. Both made me laugh.

Both filled me with longing and made my girlie parts all kinds of happy. But only one really made me...

Well, there was only one that I knew I would always be happy with, one that I would always laugh with. One that I did more than long for, but yearned for, and each second that passed ignoring it was a second I wouldn’t get to spend with him—a second I wouldn’t live life with love in it, real love in it, the kind that did have lasting power.

Despite what Cayman said, I wasn’t sure that both of them were truly in love with me. I wasn’t in their heads, but the way they felt didn’t matter when it came down to it. It was how I felt, and I wouldn’t settle. I also didn’t expect them to settle.

My forehead was starting to stick to the granite.

For the first time in days, I let myself really think about Roth’s words, the ones I thought I’d hallucinated before I had passed out from my wounds and whatever the witches had given me.

I love you, Layla. I’ve loved you since the first moment I heard your voice and I will continue to love you. No matter what. I love you.

Roth had pretty much confirmed that I had in fact heard those words spoken with such sweet urgency, but there was this part of me that just couldn’t believe it. Or maybe I didn’t want to, because when I thought about what Roth said, I also remembered what Zayne had said when he’d seen me standing in Stacey’s living room.

I would know if a part of my heart was gone.

My entire being felt like it was squeezed to the point of pain. There were all the secrets that Zayne had told me, how he had waited...for me. Still, I had spent years wanting him and it never seemed possible that I would ever have him.

Maybe I was just scared out of my mind to finally—

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t recognize the awareness that seeped into my skin, alerting me to another presence in the house until a deep voice rumbled throughout the kitchen.

“What in the world are you doing, Shortie?”

Jerking back, I lifted my head as I pressed my palm against my chest. Heart pounding, I watched Roth walk toward the island and stop. He was dressed much like he had been last night, except he was wearing a white thermal today that really complemented the golden hue of his skin.

“I was... I was thinking,” I said, smoothing my hands over my hair. “Thinking about stuff.”

He propped a hip against the island. “Was the countertop helping you think about stuff?”

I pressed my lips together. “Maybe.”

Roth’s gaze dipped, and then slowly slid back up to my face. There was a pleased heat in his gaze that wrought a very different kind of shiver out of me. “That’s an odd way to do some thinking, Shortie.”

“Yeah, I know. Cayman...um, he made breakfast.” Toying with my hair, I wrapped the edges around my fingers as Roth started walking again. He was coming closer to me. “And got me a phone.”

“I told him to get the phone for you,” he replied, his tawny eyes aglow. “The breakfast, though, was nice of him. All his idea.”

“It was nice.” My heart had not slowed down, and it didn’t help when he got closer still. “Where have you been?”

He stopped in front of me. “Checked out Sam’s house. Thought it would be a good idea.” Reaching between us, he got his fingers in between mine and tugged them away from my hair. “It’s not good news.”

“It’s not?”

Roth shook his head as he held my hands in his. “His family was dead. In their beds.” His expression grew tight, somber. “And they’d been dead for at least a couple of days. Since I didn’t see any wraiths, it doesn’t look like their souls had been stripped. There was a...a mess left behind.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I couldn’t suppress the shudder. I didn’t need to ask what constituted a mess. “Why would the Lilin kill without taking a soul?”

His thumbs smoothed over the insides of my hands. “Because it can. No other reason than that.”

“God.” The only silver lining was that Sam’s family would go where they belonged since they still had their souls.

“I kind of expected it, to be honest. I thought about it last night, but didn’t want to leave until I made sure you were okay.” His warm hands spread up to my wrists, and when I opened my eyes, he was staring down at me. “I hate to have to bring that news to you.”

I hated the fact that more innocent lives had been lost. I’d met Sam’s parents a few times. They were pretty cool, as random and adorable as Sam. “Wait. Sam has a sister. She’s younger and—”

A muscle flickered in his jaw as Roth dropped his gaze, and then it hit me. Roth hadn’t said his parents. He’d said his family. The eggs and bacon churned in my stomach, and I wished I hadn’t eaten anything.