Every Last Breath - Armentrout Jennifer L.. Страница 63

“Loyalty?” she returned.

I stared at her, wanting to laugh in her face, but my lips felt strange. Numb. Cold. “You left me with the man who wanted to kill me.”

“But he didn’t, did he? Obviously not.”

Shaking my head, I immediately regretted doing so. The world spun a little. “I had to stop the Lilin.

There were too many people’s lives at stake. Maybe you don’t care about that. Maybe you’ve never cared about any of that, but that’s where we’re different.” Legs weak, I leaned against the tree, but the moment my weight touched the trunk, it gave way.

Staggering to the side, I watched the great oak cave into itself, breaking apart in chunks that disintegrated into flakes. It crumbled soundlessly. One minute the tree was a solid part of this world and the next it was gone.

“What’s...happening?” I turned wide eyes on Lilith.

She pursed her lips as she eyed me with her chin raised. “You’re dying. That is what is happening.”

“I’m not dead now?”

“Yes and no. Your body has already grown cold, has it not? But you’re not all the way dead. Not yet, but you will be soon.” She waved her hands, gesturing at the trees. “As I’ve said, you’re in the in-between. When you entered, the bond between us drew me here. When you perish, so will I. Creating you was the risk I took. We were joined, and you were destined for greatness. I thought you would be like me.”

Now some of what Grim had said made sense, about the danger Lilith created for herself when she created me...naturally. But where was the Lilin? Why wasn’t he here with us?

Then it occurred to me as I stared at my mother. I had a soul. She had a soul. The Lilin didn’t. When it died, it ceased to exist. Not so for us.

I guessed none of that really mattered now.

“Destiny is bull,” I said, my hands icy as I curled them against my palm. I couldn’t feel them. “No one is destined for anything. We control our own fates.”

“Obviously,” she muttered with another roll of her eyes. “But look at you now, the road you’ve chosen. What do you know of life? Your entire existence was pointless.”

Behind her, another tree gave way, falling into itself, breaking apart in a plume of dust, and then another and another.

“Not true.” My legs shook, and I wasn’t sure how long I could remain standing. “I know of friendship. I know of...of love. You know nothing of those things.”

Lilith flinched and for a long moment she was silent. “That is not true. I did know of love, the purest kind.”

“Is that so?” I whispered. The sun was gone now, the sky a mottled shade of violet and the grass a crispy brown.

“Yes.” Her voice was quiet, faraway, and I realized then that I was no longer standing. I was on the ground, and I wasn’t sure I was even there anymore. I knew I was slipping away, for real this time, into nothing and my eyes drifted shut. The last thing I heard was, “When I held you in my arms and you stared up at me, only a few minutes old, I knew the purest brand of love.”

twenty-nine

WHEN I OPENED my eyes again, it seemed like only a handful of moments had passed, and I felt out of it, like I’d fallen down some kind of rabbit hole. It took me a few seconds to realize I was staring up at snowcapped branches.

The sight was really...beautiful.

Tiny icicles had formed on the ends of the branches and the snow glistened in the sunlight like a thousand white diamonds. Was this heaven? I didn’t think there was snow in Hell or that it would be this pretty. Then again, Roth had said that things were always pretty at first. I’d seen what he’d meant for myself. Pain sliced through my chest, as real as the blade I’d used to kill the Lilin. Roth. God. It hurt to think of him and what he must be going through.

My fingers were cold.

So were my toes.

Wait. My feet were bare? My gaze lowered down the length of my body and I could see the tips of my toes. The blue polish was chipped, and if I was dead and in heaven, I thought at least my nails would look like I recently had a pedicure.

Except my entire body was cold, way too cold. I exhaled and a misty cloud puffed before my lips.

So, I was breathing and I was cold, and I was going to take a leap of logic and go with the idea that I might not be dead, dead.

Sitting up took effort. The branches surrounding me danced a bit as dizziness washed over me.

Snow clung to my hair, to my eyelashes. The sweater I wore was the same one I remembered, stained with my blood. Gingerly, I reached down and tugged up the hem. I sucked in a rough gasp of air.

There was no wound.

Lifting my gaze, I let the sweater fall back in place as I looked around. My heart jumped in my chest. Realization kicked in. I stumbled to my feet, swaying unsteadily. I was on the observation deck of the tree house near the Warden compound. A barrage of memories rushed me. Escaping to the tree house when I was a child and got lonely, and the endless hours of Zayne lying next to me, shoulder to shoulder, as we counted stars. But how in the world had I ended up here?

Then I tugged on the collar of my sweater and I saw Robin’s tattoo. He was curled around my shoulder, and his tail twitched as I studied him. He was here, too. But he hadn’t been on me when I’d left Roth’s place. Had Robin found me somehow?

I started to jump off the deck, but thought twice. My legs were shaking as I walked across the deck and ducked into the house. The climb down the tree was slow and the snow gave way under my feet when I hit the ground.

Following the path I’d walked so many times I could do it blind, I slowly made my way toward the house. Whenever my knees started to knock too badly, I stopped for a couple of minutes. Weakness invaded every cell. It was as I imagined having mono felt. All I wanted to do was lie down and nap, then take a longer nap. Except I needed to keep walking, because I... I didn’t know if I was really alive or if this was some kind of weird afterlife or something.

When the crumbling retaining wall came into view, I almost dropped to my knees. As I dragged my gaze up and saw the mansion, I could barely catch my breath. The detail, down to the broken curb near the front doors, was too accurate to be anything but real.

The pavement was icy under my feet as I forced myself across the roundabout. I made it to the curb when the front door burst open.

Nicolai stood there, his handsome face pale as he stared down at me from the top of the steps.

“Layla?”

My throat felt thick. “Hi?”

He didn’t move, only seemed capable of staring at me, and there was a good chance that I was going to face-plant on the steps. An icy breeze rippled across the entryway, stirring the dark strands of his hair, tossing them across his face.

Then he moved.

I tensed and stumbled back as he came down their wide steps, three at a time. Within a heartbeat, he was in front of me, clutching my upper arms. His vibrant blue eyes were wide.

“We thought you were dead,” he said hoarsely.

“I’m not?”

He shook his head. “No, little one. If you’re standing here, you’re not.”

Confusion swamped me. “That’s...good news.”

Nicolai choked out a laugh, and my gaze wandered over his shoulder. I saw Geoff standing in the doorway, and Danika was halfway down the steps, her mouth forming a perfect O.

My gaze swung back to his. “I don’t know what happened.”

He nodded, and then stepped away so that he stood beside me, curving his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s get you inside and we’ll figure this out.”

I didn’t argue with him as he led me up the steps and into the blessed warmth of the house.

Everything seemed the same as it had the last time I’d been here, right after Abbot had passed, except it felt like years since I’d crossed the threshold.