Slut - Woodruff Jettie. Страница 34

The camera sat in the corner facing the award Nick had won for helping a man with Alzheimer’s find his home. I swallowed when I watched him stand from his desk and walk toward the opening door. Our torsos from the waist down was all that you could see, but I could tell it was, me, Lane, and Nick, and we could hear every word spoken.

“This is Nick,” he’s the one who can help you.

“I said I would try, Lane. I can’t promise anything.”

Paxton leaned up on his knees. “Is that Nick?”

“Yes,” I replied as I fell into the same tense position he moved to. Elbows on knees, and eyes and ears on the voices.

“Where the fuck are my kids?”

I leaned up and hit pause, stopping it right there. “This is how it’s going to go? We haven’t even started yet, Paxton. I don’t know where they are. I just asked myself the same question. I’m assuming they were at one of the thousands of activities you had them in. I don’t know.”

“You were supposed to be with them.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t, and I don’t remember why. So, do you want to do this or not? I don’t see where any good can come from it if you’re going to be like this.”

“How the fuck do you expect me to be, Gabriella? You’ve been involved with Lane for the last year, and this shit. I don’t even know what you’re doing here, or why you’re not with our children.”

“I’m done. You have fun watching it by yourself,” I said as I pulled my stone from his, and stood like it was really that easy.

Paxton jerked me back to his side by my shirt, his hand went around my throat, and he told me how things were going down. Not my way. “You fucking did this to us. You’re the one that showed up here like this with all these lies and secrets. Let’s find out what you’ve been hiding. Okay? We said we were doing this together. That’s what we’re doing. Understand?”

I couldn’t reply with one single word. Not even a nod. My eyes closed, my throat closed, trying to control it, and tears slid down my face.

Paxton abruptly stopped, let go of me, and stood. “Fuck this, Gabriella. Fuck. I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m just so fucked up over all of this. You forget to stop and think about what it’s like for me. Look at what you’ve brought into this house over the last few months. How do you expect me to be?”

Words spewed from my mouth as tears slid down my cheeks. “This isn’t working, Paxton. Let’s stop. I can’t do this with you anymore. I bring out the worst in you, and you do the same to me. It’s not fair to either one of us. We can be good parents without one another.”

Paxton looked at me like I’d just punched him in his other eye. “We’re not quitting. No, Gabriella. We’re not quitting. Don’t you ever think you’re leaving me. You’re never leaving, not even if we find out that you’re the wrong wife. You did this. You’re not going anywhere.”

“There’s not a lot you can do to stop me, Pax. I can’t do this thing with you.”

I jumped a little when he moved back to my side, afraid of him for a second.

“I’m sorry, Gabriella. I’m sorry. I don’t want it to be like this. I’m sorry. I swear I won’t get mad. I know you don’t remember any of this, but damnit. It’s so frustrating. Where the fuck was I? Why didn’t I notice this going on right under my nose?”

“Paxton, I don’t know.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Another audible breath, and Paxton hit play again, trying to recapture our position we’d been so comfortable with moments before. I didn’t feel the same security, my stone was hidden inside a tight fist away from his, and my body didn’t mold into his like it had before. It was gone. He knew it, and I knew it. I watched the theatrical on the screen in his arms, miles away from him.

My voice sounded anxious as I thanked Nick for trying. “Yes, I understand. I’m grateful for the attempt. Thank you.”

Lane’s voice was heard next. “I’ll stay with you until you’re under and then I’ll step out.”

“Thank you. I would rather you did,” I responded.

I watched the laptop, forgetting about Paxton and leaned up, absorbed in what I was about to tell him. It was obviously personal if I wanted him to leave. Nick walked me closer to the camera and directed me to the chase lounge. He talked to me about what to expect, the same instructions he’d given me the last time in Mi’s Zen room. Only this time, Mi wasn’t there. Lane was.

“How far back will you go? It’s just that one part that I want to forget.”

“Even if I can make you forget about the rape, that doesn’t mean I can fix your problem, “Nick explained.

“Wait, what rape? What problem?”

Paxton leaned closer and my hand fell into his again. Our stones collided and our fingers locked. “Shh, I don’t freaking know. Stop it.” I felt uneasy all of a sudden, like I was about to cheat on Paxton with him watching. I could feel the tension when we watched my eyes search out Lane, and then close.

“Yes, I know, but I think it will help.”

Nick sat in front of me but we couldn’t see his face, just a knee and a brown shoe. “We could try other things to help you enjoy sex with your husband.”

“What?” Paxton questioned in a shocked tone. “You went to Nick because you didn’t enjoy sex with me?”

“Paxton, stop. I don’t know any of the answers. Shut up and listen.”

Nick counted me down just like he had before, and just like the expert that he was, I was under his control. “Gabby, can you hear me?”

“Yes,” I mumbled in a faraway tone.

“You can go Lane.”

“I will, keep going,” Lane said in a determined voice.

“You told her you would leave.”

Lane’s black slacks came in closer and his body hovered above mine. “I will. You can cut me out before you send it. I’ll go. Keep going.”

Nick continued with the session, irritation heard in the way he spoke to me. “Gabby, do you remember when you lost your virginity?”

“Yes.”

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen.”

I had to elbow Paxton to keep him from talking. “Shh, I don’t know. Just wait,” I repeated before he could say a word.

“And you think it was a gang, right?”

“No, not that time. I was with Falcon for a long time. Almost four years. He’s the one I lost my virginity to.”

My body stayed in a relaxed deep sleep while Lane and Nick discussed my situation with me right there. Clueless.

“Ask her about Falcon. I don’t know who that is. She only said the gang rape.”

“Gabby, what can you tell me about Falcon? Are you afraid of him?”

“No, not at all. He’s in prison for life. He helped me,” I explained in a slumber, chest rising and falling with relaxed breaths.

“How did Falcon help you? What do you mean?”

“I did things for him and he kept me safe.”

“Safe from who, Gabby?”

“From the streets. Nobody messed with me.”

“Except Falcon?” Nick asked.

A sadness took over my voice when I said yes.

“Did Falcon hurt you?”

“Not really. I just did things for him, and he did things for me. He said I was too pretty to be on the streets unprotected. He was right. I didn’t want to be on the streets. Men always made me feel like I was prey. Falcon told me I was.”

“You did sexual favors and Falcon kept you safe?”

“Yes, until he killed someone. He’s in prison for life.”

Nick wiped drool from my lip with a tissue. That’s how out of it I was. Like I was on drugs. He turned and told Lane to leave again. “Lane, she’s going to want to know why I cut all this out. This isn’t fair to her. You said you would leave.”

“She doesn’t need the video. She can listen to it, and you can cut me out. If you would stop talking to me, you wouldn’t have to worry about it. Ask her about the next time,” Lane coaxed.