Suit - Woodruff Jettie. Страница 50

“Yeah, yeah. I know. And I let you.”

“You did. It worked for us. For what we both needed. You have everything to suit your needs, and I have you. My slut, to suit mine.”

I pondered his words with a deep breath. “I don’t know that I’m okay with that anymore, Paxton. I’m not that person anymore. I’m not Gabriella.” That part stung my chest like a bee. One quick stab, reminding me that it wasn’t a lie. To me anyway.

“I’m not okay with it anymore. I’m not okay with these girls running around like chickens with their heads cut off for no reason. I’m not okay with eating fatty bacon and chicken from a bone. I’m not okay with any of this, Paxton. I’m not so sure we shouldn’t separate for a while. Work through things on our own for once,” I said. That’s when I swiped away a tear. Just in time.

Paxton spun me to my back and placed his hand around my throat. That time was meant to be feared. I feared it. “Yeah? Where you gonna go, slut. You got money to live on? You think you’re ever going to see Rowan or Ophelia again? Go ahead and try it. Like I’ve told you a million times, I’ll kill you first. Do you understand me, Gabriella?”

I nodded in agreement with a breath held in my lungs. The angered tone told me not to push anymore buttons. I could tell when to stop. Now was that time.

Paxton smiled with a smirk and moved his fingers between my legs. I was a ghost that night. I bent over his lap like a good little slut and endured nine slaps to my ass. That was the most he’d ever given me at one time. Maybe it was because of my reaction. Maybe he didn’t expect my reaction to be so blah. I stiffened a little with every blow, but not once did I writhe my hips into his fingers. I wanted to. I wanted to shove my ass back, moan, and beg for more, but I didn’t.

I didn’t even care that the sounds of my arousal were a dead giveaway. I wasn’t about to give him the time of day. Fuck him. I did everything I was told to do, moved in every pretzel position I was told, sucked his dick when I was told, and then swallowed him. Not once did I acknowledge that I was into any of it. I was a ghost.

“Follow the rules tomorrow. I’ll have roast for supper,” Paxton said while shaking his softening dick on my lips.

“Yes, sir,” I smartly replied. Not another word was spoken between us. I even lifted my ass to help with my chastity belt. I didn’t care about that either. I had zero desire to get off. That longing passed when I swallowed him. I knew it was my punishment for being disobedient, but I didn’t care. I knew without a doubt that I would be disobeying the very next day. I wasn’t about to chase things to do with the girls. They had enough to do right there.

I showered again, needing to wash him away, but it didn’t work. His scent coated my pillow, filling my nostrils with his aroma. I tossed the tainted pillow to the floor, but that didn’t help either. He still lingered there, in my mind and in my bed. I rolled to my side with a deep sigh, and closed my eyes, praying for peace. I wasn’t sure I would ever figure this man out, and truth be known, I wasn’t sure I had it in me to try anymore.

~~

“I want to call my sister. It’s her birthday. Sherry said I could talk to her today,” I complained to Ms. Porter.

She brushed me off with a wave of her hand. “Get the fuck out of my way. That bitch don’t care about you. People lie. People always lie. Now move the hell out the front of my television.”

“I’m going to walk there,” I threatened with a stomp to the wooden floor.

Ms. Porter laughed at me. “Go for it. Your pretty little ass won’t make it to the corner without getting fucked in an alley.”

Even at the age of twelve I knew what that meant, and she was right. I wouldn’t walk past the school bus stop by myself. Had it not been for my neighbor, Falcon, I wouldn’t go there either.

Falcon was five years older than me, but he didn’t go to school anymore. He’d dropped out at sixteen. He looked out for me. He knew that a dark little white girl shouldn’t be lurking around that neighborhood. Nobody should; especially a vulnerable twelve year old with nobody to report her missing. Falcon told me about men in shiny black cars, luring young girls away from the hood. Pretty young girls like me not easily missed.

It was enough for me to ground myself inside the house. Sometimes I’d go out and sit on the stoop, but that’s as far as I went.

I stomped out to the stoop and dropped to the top step.

“Watcha doin’ out here,” Falcon said from the next porch. I looked left, toward the row of houses to his face. A thick strand of smoke lingered above his head. The pipe and the smell told me it wasn’t a cigarette. 

“It’s my birthday, and my sister’s birthday. They told me I could call her. They said I could talk to her,” I said with tears streaming down my face, sucking in hot Florida air. My heart hurt so much. I missed her so much, and there was nothing I could do.

“Who tell you that?”

“The social worker, and Ms. Porter. It’s almost four o’clock and I still didn’t get to talk to her?”

“Today your birthday? How old you be?”

“Twelve, and Gabby’s twelve, too.”

“Gabby? What the fuck you talking about, girl?”

Falcon hoped to the wobbling banister and to my side. That’s how close the houses were to each other. A hop and a jump.

“I mean, Izzy. My sister is Izzy. Izabella. We’re twins.”

“Where yo mama?”

“She died from drugs. She fell off a fire escape.”

“Why you not with yo sister?”

“They wouldn’t let us. Nobody would take both of us. She’s in Michigan, but they said they’d let us talk. They don’t,” I said while more tears streamed down my face. I just wanted my sister. My other half. Nobody cared about us. Nobody cared how much we needed each other. I thought Falcon did. My kind black neighbor.

“I can get you a phone call with her,” he said in a low tone.

My heart beat out of my chest, and I straightened my posture, yelling with excitement. “You can?

“Of course I can, but you gotta do something for me, too. You get your thing yet. The period thing. My bros say once a girl gets that, she a woman.”

“Um, yeah, a couple months ago,” I replied with rosy red cheeks. Oh, my God. Why would he say something like that? I didn’t want to talk about blood coming out of my vag with him. Good Lord!

Needless to say, I became the property of Falcon. I did things with him that I’m not proud of, and I never talked to my sister. He always promised he was getting closer every time he coaxed me into his room. Falcon controlled my life for three consecutive years. Up until he got life without the possibility of parole. A convenience store robbery gone bad on the south side of town. I never did hear all the details. Ms. Porter couldn’t get her nose out of American Idol long enough to see anything. Her and those stupid reality shows.

I guess I didn’t really care to know. A father and two little boys were killed. I knew that much. The gruesome details weren’t needed. A guy in the gang they called Blade, tried like hell to step into Falcon’s shoes. I wouldn’t let him. I stayed away. I went to school and came home. That’s it. I didn’t have friends because the only ones that wanted to be my friend were either part of a gang, or on drugs. I stopped being the cheerful little girl, full of life, energy, and happiness, and drowned. I drowned every day in the same, sad misery.

Ms. Porter wasn’t much better than Falcon, but at least she was safe. I spent my life after my twin, trying like hell to forget her. I became more and more introverted, realizing all the lies my mother told. You couldn’t escape life with a vision of a better one. It always came back. As soon as your eyes opened. Real life was there. The cold hard truth.