Closed in Chains - Green Sharon. Страница 8

“That’s my good girl,” Killen murmured as he began a slow withdrawal that Tain just knew was the start of gentle stroking. “We’re going to enjoy this a lot, you just wait and see if we don’t. Now doesn’t that feel good?”

If Tain had been able to speak she wouldn’t have been able to speak. Killen’s movement was the start of his stroking, and the sensations Tain felt were beyond description. She needed relief desperately, but the sudden size of him was so overwhelming that she began to mewl at every motion. And she’d thought he was big the first two times… If left to her own devices she would have lain without moving, but every time he stroked inward his body touched her backside and made her writhe and squirm.

“What a good kitten you are,” Killen murmured as he held her close while he slowly increased the speed of his stroking. “A deliciously tight, squirming kitten who’s giving me more pleasure than I’ve ever felt before. Yes, that’s right, keep moving like that.”

Tain wanted to be furious over the way Killen kept speaking to her, but all too soon she became completely lost to what his body did to hers. Her world became one of pure sensation interspersed with lengthy explosions, a world that didn’t end for quite some time. When the time finally did end and Killen withdrew to lie beside her, Tain had strength enough to do nothing more than use her feet to ease her bottom while she lay otherwise motionless with her eyes closed.

“Now you know I wasn’t lying,” Killen said after a long time of silence while they both did nothing but breathe. “I said you’d be even better than you were the first time, and you can take my word for it that you were. And now you can talk again any time you like.”

There were a lot of things Tain would have enjoyed saying a short while ago, but now she’d passed the point of believing those things would be satisfying—or would do any good. Killen was taking advantage of the situation to really enjoy himself, and there was nothing she could do to change matters.

“You can’t mean there’s nothing you can think of to say?” Killen teased after the silence had gone on for a minute or so, then Tain felt him shift where he was before his hand came to her middle to stroke gently. “If you’re refraining from telling me how good I was to keep me from getting a swelled head, you have nothing to worry about. I’ve learned how to take overwhelming praise with all due modesty.”

“You made it very clear that you don’t want me saying things you prefer not to hear,” Tain suddenly decided to tell him. But she kept her eyes closed as she spoke, not in the least interested in how he took her comment.

“No, what I tried to make clear was the way you’re supposed to act, especially when other people are around,” Killen corrected, the teasing quality gone from his voice and his hand now unmoving on her middle. “Are you trying to say you didn’t enjoy that as much as I did?”

“What choice did I have?” Tain countered, making herself ignore the change in his voice. “I needed relief desperately because I was forced into needing it, not because I find you irresistible. And now I’m being forced to tell you that the insertion has finally stopped affecting me. I hope you’ll excuse me if I don’t celebrate the announcement.”

“You’re … probably just tired as well as stressed,” Killen said after a short hesitation, his tone obviously trying for lightness now. “I know this situation isn’t easy for you, so it will probably take you a while to notice how really great I am. We’ll give it that while and then we’ll talk again.”

Tain opened her eyes when she heard him getting to his feet and saw him retrieve his body wrap and put it on. It was disturbing to think that Killen was disappointed in her reaction to the sex they’d shared, just as if he’d actually expected her to be as enthusiastic as he’d been. He couldn’t really be that naive so chances were good that he was pretending, but why would he pretend?

Turning to her side on the blanket made it easier for Tain to think, which gave her the answer to her question in no more than a minute. Killen was responsible for getting her back to base in one piece, and if something … permanent happened to her he would be held responsible. Someone else would have relied on the orders he’d given her, but she now remembered that he’d tied her to a tree when they’d first stopped rather than rely on the way she was blindfolded and had her wrists behind her.

He’s afraid I’ll find a way to get around his orders, so he’s decided to use suspenders and a belt, Tain thought, the concept perfectly clear. He’s trying to make me think I mean more to him than I really do, an effort to tie me emotionally rather than with leather. His mistake was not being more subtle, but maybe that was a deliberate mistake. He somehow sensed that I would be more responsive to openness than game-playing, but I’m not going to be responsive to anything. I can’t afford to be…

Tain closed her eyes again, hating to admit the truth even in the privacy of her own mind. From the first minute she’d seen Killen, she’d known he was a man she could get seriously involved with. But she didn’t want to get involved with a man, not when she’d worked so hard to get where she was in her chosen profession. If she and Killen developed a serious relationship, one of them would have to leave the department. The rules were clear on the point, and it was one rule no one ever ignored. Once emotion entered the picture, intelligent efficiency of effort went right out the window.

And considering that people didn’t change much no matter how technologically advanced the worlds got, she would be the one who would be made to leave. If she left the department on her own she’d have no trouble finding a home with people who did similar discreet work for the Union government, but being made to leave because of “personal reasons” would make trying to find another job like her original one a waste of time. Which was why she’d told Coleson that if he ever paired her with Killen she would quit on the spot.

Hiding behind closed eyes wasn’t the comfort it should have been for Tain, but that didn’t make her want to look at the world again. Part of her felt the urge to scream out that having to live alone if she wanted to keep her job wasn’t fair, but the rest of her knew better than to lie. It was a fair requirement for someone who risked her life all the time, especially when other lives often depended on her being clear-headed enough to do the job right. A single hesitation at the wrong time, brought about by thoughts of how her other half would cope if she were killed, and that could be the end right there.

So the choice came down to staying with a job she loved that would kill her to lose, and letting herself feel something for a man who would end up causing her to lose that very necessary-to-her job. Even being deeply and completely in love with the man would do nothing to make her loss of the job less devastating, which in turn would most likely change her feelings for the man. Her loss would end up being entirely his fault, and that would be the end of the relationship.

But someone like Jake Killen would find it impossible to understand her position even if it was explained to him. Tain had quietly found out that he considered what he did to earn money nothing but a job, and if the job was lost it would always be possible to get another. He would brush aside her objections and concentrate on nothing but making her fall in love with him, and he would almost certainly succeed. His draw was too strong for her to resist for long, and he would work even harder if he got the least hint that he had a chance of succeeding.

Which was why Tain had decided to believe that Killen was trying to trick and trap her by being open and gentle. It was the only way to defend herself, especially in a place where he had all the advantages. She had to make him believe she had no personal interest in him, she just had to…