Arsen: a broken love story - Asher Mia. Страница 79

I feel like the air has been knocked out of my lungs. “I know,” I whisper as a mixture of pain and jealousy surge over me aggressively like an avalanche.

“Ben has moved on, honey, and Arsen was in Europe the last time I heard. I think it’s time you did the same. Nadia is a precious little thing, and you’re a gorgeous woman. Let someone take care of you, love you. Let yourself love someone else, babe.”

“But I have Nadia,” I argue. Holding onto the past is a losing battle, but I don’t know that I’m ready to move on, yet I must. For Nadia.

And for myself.

“It’s not the same, babe, and you know it.”

“Okay,” I say, defeated.

“Okay what?”

“You’re right. It’s time for me to let go. Y-you can give Hayes a call, but I’m going to be honest with him, Amy, so don’t get your hopes up.”

I hear her groaning into the phone. “What are you going to tell him, you nut?”

“That I still love another man.”

“What? Why would you do such a thing?” she exclaims.

“Well, maybe he’d like to be my friend. I think that’s all I’m ready for anyway.”

Sometimes it gets lonely, sometimes a lot. Sometimes when I see couples walking and holding hands, I remember what I had. Sometimes I wish, and wish, and wish with all my heart to have it all back again, but I know all the wishing in the world won’t bring him back. So I remain quiet, never complain when it gets tough, never cry because I’m alone, and never blame anyone else but me.

Hanging up, I walk to the bathroom. It’s not until I’m standing in front of the sink that I look at myself in the mirror. Reflected in it, there’s a woman with vacant eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

I know that I must move on. Arsen is back to dating heiresses, and Ben is going to be married to Kerry soon. I need to let him go, let go of our memories together, of the past.

I have to move on.

Nadia deserves a family.

I wipe my tears away, hoping that I’m not making the biggest mistake by letting another man in my life because even after four years of thinking about them, it still hurts.

Especially for Ben.

I’m applying the last coat of lip-gloss on my lips when I hear a knock on my door. Instantly feeling a knot in my stomach, I take a deep breath. I can do this. I can. I put the lip-gloss away and move to open the door.

With my hand hovering over the handle, I take a deep breath as I try to calm my nerves. I don’t even know why I’m so nervous. It’s just a date.

When I open the door, I see a man I have met only once before and his handsomeness can still take my breath away. I don’t think men should be allowed to be this handsome. It’s not fair. The black haired man with the silver eyes smiles kindly at me as he takes in my appearance, seemingly pleased with what he sees. When I feel myself blush, I break the uncomfortable silence first.

“Hi, Hayes. Would you like to come in for a drink, or should we go?” I ask.

“Hello, Cathy. May I first say how beautiful you look tonight? My memory does you injustice because I don’t remember you being this breathtaking.” His eyes twinkle as he speaks.

“Um, thank you.” Blushing, I think that maybe this was a great mistake. His comment makes me very uncomfortable. I’m so not ready for this. I’m about to go get my coat, escaping away from him, when Hayes speaks.

“I’m sorry. Too much, too soon?” He smiles ruefully, an apology written all over his face.

“Um, uh…” Sighing, I decide to be totally upfront with him. “Yes. I’m sorry, Hayes. I-I thought I was clear that this was more of a friendly thing. Um, if you’d like to leave, I’ll understand. I’m so sorry.”

“Yes, you were very clear, and no, I wouldn’t like to leave. It’s my fault, and it won’t happen again. It’s just…” Hayes looks at me warmly, “Never mind, Cathy. Would you like to go? We can have drinks at the restaurant bar?”

“Sure.” I’m relieved that he understands my position, so I begin to relax and let myself enjoy the night with a handsome man.

Two bottles of wine later and a dinner that flew by quickly, I’m standing outside my apartment door ready to say goodnight. The air surrounding us this time is more relaxed, the tension is gone. As I stare into the face of the man that made me laugh with anecdotes from his past relationships, his work, and just life, I think that I like him. I’d like to keep in touch with him, and maybe become real friends.

“Hayes, let’s try this one more time. Would you like to come in for a drink?” I say with laughter in my voice.

Hayes wavers for a second. “I would love to, Cathy. But I don’t think I should.”

I’m taken aback by his answer. “Why not?” I ask. Should I be hurt? I mean, it’s not like I want the guy to be attracted to me, but I most certainly didn’t expect that answer.

“Thing is,” he scratches the back of his neck, “I like you, Cathy. I really do. And it’s not like I’ve been pining for you after all this time, but after tonight I think I could possibly grow to like you a lot. However, you’re not ready.”

Hayes takes a step closer to me, making me want to take a step back. The proximity of his body isn’t welcome, not yet. He takes my hand in his and raises it to his lips, planting a kiss in my palm. “When you said that you weren’t ready, I didn’t believe you. Not completely. But after tonight, I think you’re right. You’re not ready. I wish you were because I feel this connection to you, and it’s such a shame. So If I go inside your apartment, I might not be able to hold myself back and do something very stupid that I will regret later on.”

“Oh.” I’m stunned with his honesty and the meaning of his words.

“Can I ask you something very personal?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s not really a question. It’s more a piece of advice. You’re obviously still very much in love with your ex-husband. Fight for him.”

I feel like cold water is being poured down on me.

“Um, what? I told you what happened. W-what makes you think...No. I couldn’t. He hates me.”

“I don’t know, Cathy. If I were him, even after everything that transpired between you two…”

“No, no. I can’t. It’s been four years, and he’s getting married. I’m not going to spoil things for him. I can’t.”

Tilting his head to the side and smiling apologetically at me, Hayes remains quiet for what seems an eternity. “Okay. I will let it go. Anyway, it’s been a pleasure, but it’s getting late and I must go.”

“Wait. W-will I see you again?”

“Whenever you want. I’m a call away.”

“Even if I just need to talk to you. You know, as a friend?”

“Especially as a friend,” he whispers in my ear.

After saying goodbye, I shut the door behind him and call my dad.

“Hello. That was a quick date.” There’s curiosity in his voice.

“Yes. It was a friendly date, Dad.”

“Pft. No man ever goes on a friendly date.”

“Well, trust me on that one, Dad. Do you want to hear something funny and pretty sad?”

“Yes.”

“He told me he didn’t want to come in for a drink because I’m obviously still hung up on my ex. It’s official. I’m pathetic.”

“Oh, baby girl.”

“It’s okay. I knew I wasn’t ready, but at least that’s out of the way.”

“But you still need to—”

“I know, but not yet. I will when I’m ready.”

My dad laughs into the phone. “Let’s just hope it’s not when you’re sixty, okay dear?”

“Ha ha ha, very funny. How’s Nadia? Was she a monster?”

“Sleeping like an angel.” My dad chuckles when he mentions the word angel.

We talk some more about my date and what Nadia had for dinner, then hang up.

Lying alone in my bed as I stare at the ceiling covered in the shadows of the night, my mind rehashes tonight’s events. How sweet Hayes turned out to be, how much fun it was to talk to him, and how much I like him, but how quiet my heart remained throughout the entire night. Not once did it skip a beat. Not once did butterflies attack my stomach. It was as pleasant and sweet as vanilla ice cream.