Pushing the Limits - McGarry Katie. Страница 61

“Dad’s not shoving anything onto you. He’s accepted responsibility for his part, but I don’t remember what happened with us. I fell into your stained glass and then you lay next to me while I bled.” My voice rose higher as I continued to speak. “I don’t understand. Did we fight? Did I fall? Did you push me and why didn’t you call for help and why were you telling me bedtime stories when I was bleeding?”

She tore at the grass again. “This is not my fault. He should have known better. But that’s your father for you. He never tried to understand. He wanted a cookie-cutter wife and divorced me the moment he found one.”

“Mom, you came off your meds. Dad had nothing to do with that. Tell me what happened.”

“No.” She lifted her chin and jutted it out in the stubborn style I remembered so well.

I flinched. “No?”

“No. If you don’t remember, I’m not telling you. I heard he’s got some overpriced, fancy Harvard therapist helping you.” A bitter smile curved her lips. “Did your father find something else he couldn’t fix with money and control?”

For a fleeting moment, the cemetery resembled a chessboard and my mother moved her queen. If Aires and I were pawns in our parents’ game, had she noticed that I quit playing?

“Heard?” I repeated as her answer struck me. “There’s a restraining order. How did you hear anything?”

Mom blinked several times and the color seeped from her cheeks. “I wanted to know how you were doing, so I contacted your father.”

A sickening feeling slid down my throat. “When?”

She lowered her head. “February.”

“Mom … why didn’t you call me? I gave you my numbers.” I paused, unable to keep up with the emotions and questions flying in my head. February. The word vibrated through me. That was the month my father took away my cell and my car without telling me why. He’d lied to me so he could conceal me from her. “I wanted to talk to you. I begged you back in December to call me. Why would you call Dad? I mean, you could have gone to jail. There is a restraining order!”

“No, there isn’t,” she said simply. “The order was rescinded thirty days after you turned eighteen.”

Now I felt as if someone drop-kicked me in the stomach. “What?”

“It was the terms of the order when the judge signed it over two years ago. Your father tried to have it extended until you graduated, but enough time had passed that the judge no longer saw me as a threat.”

I couldn’t breathe and my head shook back and forth. “You mean you could have contacted me since February and you didn’t?”

She hesitated. “Yes.”

“Why?” Was I that unlovable? Weren’t mothers supposed to want to see their daughters? Especially when their daughters asked them for help? Not knowing what to do with myself, I stood and wrapped my arms around my shaking body. “Why?” I screamed it this time.

“Because.” Mom stood and raised her hands out to her sides. “Because I knew this is how you’d react. I knew you’d want to know what happened between us and I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll blame me and I can’t take any more guilt. It wasn’t my fault, Echo, and I’m not going to let you make me feel that way.”

A Mack truck hit my body and my shoulders rolled with the impact. What an unbelievably selfish answer. “You don’t know that’s how I’ll react. I’m not happy you went off your meds, but I get that you didn’t understand what you were doing. I understand that you weren’t in the right frame of mind that night.”

She released a loud sigh and it echoed in the lonely cemetery. “I do know how you’ll react, Echo. I told you before, you and I share the same skin. Once we’re betrayed, we never forgive.”

The dark sludge that had inhabited my veins since I found out my father’s role in that day moved slowly in my gut, chilling me from the inside out. “I’m not like that.”

“Aren’t you? How’s the bimbo your father married? You once loved her.”

I wasn’t her. I wasn’t my mother. I blinked and stared at Aires’ tombstone, half hoping he’d tell me she was wrong. What did this mean? What did this mean about me? And Ashley? And my father?

“Let’s not discuss bad things,” she said. “I’ve been on my medication for two years and I’m never coming off. Besides, I came here to catch up on the present, not rehash the past. I’ve got a fantastic job and a beautiful loft apartment. Echo? Echo, where are you going?”

From over my shoulder, I looked at the woman who gave birth to me. She’d never once said she was sorry. “I’m going home.”

NOAH

Water trickled from my parents’ fountain. Children laughed and yelled from the playground behind the neighborhood. Frank had told me to take the day off. I didn’t need a day off. I needed to work. I needed the money. I didn’t need so much damn time on my hands.

I brought Echo here once. Either to impress her or seduce her, or maybe I brought her here to prove to myself I was someone worth loving. Who the hell knew, for all the good it did.

My mind had wrestled with the same question since Tuesday. How could I help her? I drew nothing but blanks. So much for those damn problem-solving skills Mrs. Collins said I was so good at.

“Noah!”

I whipped my head at the sound of Jacob’s voice and my heart squeezed in my chest. Wide-eyed, I stood just in time for the blond-haired midget to tackle me in a hug. “Noah! Noah! It’s you! It’s really you!”

Wrapping my arms around him, I quickly scanned the area. Joe slowly walked across the street, his hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders slumped forward. Carrie held the hand of a struggling Tyler. He extended his other hand toward me.

“Noah,” said Joe.

“Joe.”

Jacob faced Joe, but kept his arm around me. “You did this, didn’t you?” He glanced excitedly at me. “He does things like this all the time. He tells us that he’s taking us to the store and then does something great like get ice cream. Except this time he said we were going to the fountain and he gave us you.”

The faith and love that radiated from Jacob tore at my heart.

“Didn’t you, Dad?”

My muscles tensed and I held tighter to Jacob. Dad.

Joe’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Jacob, I had no idea …”

“That I’d be early,” I cut in. Joe eyed me warily, but didn’t contradict me. Maybe if I played nice, he’d let me see them for a few seconds. “But I don’t have much time, bro.”

Jacob’s smile fell. “Did you know that our mom and dad built these houses?”

I blinked. Our mom and dad. “Yeah. I was about your age then. I helped Dad put up every single porch swing.”

Mom’s smile returned on Jacob’s face. “That must have been cool.”

“Yeah, it was.”

Joe gestured for Carrie to join us. A flash of worry covered her face before she slowly walked over. Like a fish, Tyler slipped out of her grasp and ran headfirst into my leg.

“Hey, bro.”

Tyler responded with a dazzling smile. No bruises. No staples. Just happiness. I mussed the hair on his head.

“Hey, Mom,” said Jacob, “did you know that Noah helped our mom and dad build these houses?”

The smile on her face seemed forced. “Did he?”

“Yep, because Noah is awesome.”

Her lips turned down, but she shoved them back up.

“Wanna come play with us?” Jacob asked me.

Tyler attached himself to my leg and propped both of his feet on top of mine. I cleared my throat. “I’ve got to get to work later and I need to eat before that.” Even though I didn’t work today and even if I did, I cooked food for a living.

“Eat wis us,” said Tyler.

He spoke to me. My youngest brother uttered his first words to me since the day of my parents’ funeral. I stared helplessly at Carrie and Joe. I was trying to do the right thing here. The exact opposite of what I wanted and my brothers were tearing out my heart.