The Story Of Us - Jones Lesley. Страница 21

Finally in the August of ‘88, I ended my self-imposed social isolation and went for a drink after work with Ashley; she was working for us now, we had three shops and were due to be opening a fourth before Christmas in Epping, we had managers in all of them and my Mum and I spent most of our time with buyers and now some small independent designers, who made stuff exclusively for us. Our range now including a few lines for men and underwear for both men and women, I had an office above the Brentwood shop and would soon be moving into my very own flat there as well. The tenants that were already in place had given notice and I’d convinced my Dad to fix it up and let me move in, Ash wanted to move in with me but I wanted to live alone, that way I could control the TV and the radio and anything else that might bring me into contact with Sean and the band, something that had become a complete obsession with me. The band were now world famous, my parents had sold our family home and bought a farm house in the countryside just outside of Brentwood, Lennon and Jimmie had bought their own place and were getting married next year and Marley had bought a place in the city to crash, whenever the band were in the country and I very rarely saw him. Jim and Lennon were only living around the corner so finally I got to see her on a regular basis again; she was working alongside Len as part of the management team for the band and so got to travel with him whenever she wanted to. I had dinner and caught up with them at least three or four times a month and they were always good in avoiding any mention of Sean and the band if possible, I had called Jim that afternoon and invited her for drinks tonight and she was going to meet us there.

My palms were sweating and I felt absolutely sick as we walked into the wine bar that night. I was glad we’d come somewhere up market and swanky as this, it was as far removed from the sweaty pubs I used to go to with the band as you could get. Full of big hair, shoulder pads and yuppies and yet, here I was, still thinking about him. I was almost twenty and still fucked up over a boy I met when I was eleven. I heard a loud squeal as we headed for the bar and saw that Jimmie was already here. She jumped up from her stool at the tall round table as she spotted us; she knew what a big deal this was for me. I’d driven my parents insane with worry these past few years and I knew they’d asked her to do what she could to get me out of the house but Jimmie knew nothing would work, she knew I’d do it in my own time and she was right, the time was now and here I was.

She threw her arms around me and whispered into my ear, “I am so fucking proud of you Georgia Layton, so fucking proud.” I almost teared up, something I hadn’t allowed myself to do since that fuck awful week my world fell apart.

Because Thursday was our late night, we hadn’t closed the shop up until seven, by the time we had touched up our makeup and titivated as my Dad liked to call it, then walked up the high street to the wine bar, it was around seven thirty. The place was now packed full of the after work crowd from the city, double breasted suits and mullets, so not my type! We joined Jimmie at the table, as she poured us a glass of wine each from the bottle she had in a cooler, we sat and chatted and caught up, knocking back the first bottle in ten minutes.

Ash got up and went to the bar to buy another and as soon as she left, Jimmie grabbed my hand. “George, I really need to talk to you and it’s about the banned subject.” My stomach lurched.

“Is it about him or the band or something different?”

“It’s about ‘that’ night. I found a few things out today at work, things I really think you should know.”

“Will it change anything, will it fix this horrible fucking pain I have in my chest Jim, will it make it possible to hear his name, say his name even, without me wanting to pass out.”

“Oh George, is it still that bad?” I nod my head.

“Yep, every second of every day.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand.

“Then you need to hear what I have to say, because he’s in exactly the same state you are.”

Fuck!

“What?”

“He’s a mess G, a complete fucking mess, he gets up on that stage or in front of a camera and he’s big bad Maca but as soon as the show is over, all he wants is you. He does the interviews, smiles for the cameras, stays for five minutes at the after show parties and then he goes home, he still loves you George and he misses you so much.”

My hand instinctively reaches up to the delicate silver necklace I still wear, it’s the only part of him that I’ve allowed to stay in my life and that’s only because I can’t actually see it, well I can if I look in a mirror but it’s been there so long now, that I don’t really notice it, it’s part of me, of who I am, exactly like he is.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

My head is spinning and it’s not because of the wine.

“Because it’s what you wanted, because, until today, I thought you were right, I thought you had every right to stay away from him, I thought it was the right thing for you but now I’m not so sure.”

Ashley came back at that moment, with another bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, which she waved in front of her. “This ladies, is compliments of the gentleman at the bar.”

A barman appeared at our table with three champagne flutes and proceeded to pop the cork and fill the glasses. We thanked him and turned around to thank the blokes at the bar; there were four of them. One looked like he’d just come from the golf course, one looked like he’d just come from the gym and the other two from the office, one in a suit, one in a pair of dark fitted trousers and a white shirt, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, he had his back to me and I couldn’t see his face but I could see he had a lovely arse and shiny black hair It was quite long but not cut in the mullet that everyone seemed to be favouring at the moment, just long and pushed back, he was tall, very tall, with a broad back and shoulders. I smiled politely at all the others, mouthed cheers and tilted my glass toward them, just as I was about to look away, he turned and his eyes met mine.

Fuck!

My heart gave a little judder, it was like after three years, it was letting me know it was there and capable of doing more than just keeping me alive but I didn’t want it to, I wanted it to focus on just one job, doing nothing but keeping me alive. I didn’t want it to feel and I certainly didn’t want it to react. His brown eyes remained locked on mine as I took a swig of my drink and as I did, he smiled, very slightly at me with his soft, full lips and once again, my heart stopped for a split second and then picked up its rhythm in my chest.

Fuck!

Fuck!

And fuck!

“Fuck G, he’s nice.” Jimmie nudged me and I almost spat my drink out as she said out loud, exactly what I had been thinking.

I noticed that he laughed as he watched me wipe champagne from my chin and his eyebrows rose slightly as I sucked it off the side of my finger, he shook his head and looked away and for the very first time in three long years. I felt the stirrings of desire, deep down in my belly and I knew that I had to stay the fuck away from this man; because there was no way that I would ever get involved with anyone who stirred that kind of reaction in me again. Ever.

After drinking the bubbly and the bottle of wine, Ashley stayed at the wine bar with some friends, while Jimmie and I jumped in a taxi and went back to her house. Lennon was in front of the telly watching a video of the band and as I stepped through the living room door, there, filling the screen, in all his glorious beauty was the love of my life. The room swayed as I quickly closed my eyes for a few moments but something inside me forced them to open and take just one more look, as soon as Len looked over his shoulder and saw me, he ejected the video, then stood as I finally dragged my eyes away from the now blue screen, I noticed that he was smiling at me sadly.