Queen of This Realm - Plaidy Jean. Страница 37

In spite of all this euphoria I did not lose sight of the fact that I was in danger. The Queen looked very sickly. Could she reach a successful confinement? I asked myself, and I knew that others were asking it. Chief of them perhaps Philip himself. Why did he look at me with such speculation? Surely he did not think that if Mary died he could marry me… Elizabeth, the heretic! How could he? But heretics are acceptable when a throne goes with them, and I was sure Philip would have no doubts as to his ability to rule a woman as well as a country.

Not this one, my lord! I thought. But I liked him to regard me in that light for he must be comparing my physical aspect with that of Mary. She was getting so old; she was really pathetic; she followed him with her eyes; she loved him completely. It was folly to allow one's feelings to become involved and even greater folly to show them.

Yes, he was comparing my youth with her age, my liveliness with her languor, my challenge with her cloying devotion. I had made it my business to study people and I knew a great deal about Philip of Spain.

There were moments when he cast off his dignity. He might appear to be cold and restrained but I believed there were times when he could be less so. Ever a collector of what the people were saying, I discovered that he was not averse to a little dalliance. Some of the women were giggling about the repulse he had received from Magdalen Dacre, one of Mary's ladies of honor, when Philip had peeped through her window while she was dressing and tried to open the window and get to her. The window could only be opened a little way and she, seeing his arm protruding into her chamber, gave it a sharp rap which made him withdraw it hastily, showing him clearly that she had no intention of engaging in frivolous behavior with anyone, even the Prince of Spain.

Magdalen Dacre was certainly an exceptionally beautiful girl. Philip must have noticed her and perhaps he hoped to seduce her which he probably thought would be easy, he being who he was. One thing I did like about him was that after the rap and his humiliation, he did not attempt to take revenge and always treated her with extra special courtesy as though while desiring her he could yet respect her virtue.

Mary had hardly been seductive before her body had swollen, and it is not the custom of princes to deny themselves. It was reported—but it may well have been malicious gossip—that he liked to visit some of the more questionable haunts of London and that he had a fancy for little girls of the lower classes.

There was a rhyme about him which people sang constantly. It went something like this:

“The baker's daughter in her russet gown

Better than Queen Mary without her crown.”

At the tournaments I was seated beside my sister and Philip was on the other side of her. I noticed how his eyes were often on me, assessing my physical attractions, I guessed; he already knew my political views. Mary did not notice. I supposed she had not heard the rhyme about the baker's daughter, and I was sure Magdalen Dacre would not mention the Prince's pursuit of her. Mary was innocent of guile. Perhaps that was why she could not please the people.

I guessed that the Spanish Ambassador was of less importance now than he had been. His main mission was accomplished with the marriage, but of course he would still be making sure that events went as Charles the Fifth and Philip ordered that they should. Then there was the French Ambassador, de Noailles, who must not be forgotten. His mission was to bring the English crown to Mary Queen of Scots. He was more my enemy now than Renaud.

Wherever I looked there was intrigue but I thrived on it. After the tedium of prison this was a stimulating life.

As the winter passed, the Queen grew larger and we all awaited her confinement with great expectancy. If it were a healthy boy or girl, that was the end of my hopes. It was the health of the child, not the sex, which would be decisive this time. A living child would mean that England was doomed to return to Rome with all the intolerance and persecution which were pursued in those countries under the domination of the dreaded Inquisition.

I felt I was justified in hoping that the child would not live, though naturally I never said a word of this to anyone.

Mary's skin seemed yellow in daylight; her body was becoming more and more clumsy. One of my ladies whispered to me: “There is a rumor that what the Queen is carrying is not a child.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“That her swollen body has another cause.”

“This must be nonsense.”

“I can only tell you what is being said, Your Grace.”

HOW SAD THOSE DAYS were for my poor sister! Much as they heralded good news for me I could not but be sorry for her. She had so set her heart on a child. She was so certain that she was pregnant; there had been all the signs. What a terrible blow! What almost unbearable humiliation! It was no child she carried. She was suffering from some hideous form of dropsy.

I think she nearly died of sorrow. She had so longed for that child and she had been so proud to be able to produce it. She needed a child so much and now all her hopes had gone.

She was desperately ill for a long time. People were very careful how they treated me and I enjoyed the deference. I think they were daily expecting news of her death. When I woke up in the morning my first thought was: Will it be today?

Philip was genial with me. I was sure he was a little in love with me, and I was always gratified when men fell in love with me, particularly those who could not ask me to marry them. I still regarded marriage as a state which must be avoided, for when I became Queen I wanted to be Queen in my own right with no one at my side. But it was pleasant to think that Philip admired me. Of course it was a different feeling from that which he had for the bakers' daughters—but there was a part of that too. Philip was not the cold, sexless man he might have been believed to be because of his black velvet, rather somber clothes and the exaggerated ceremony of his manner.

Philibert of Savoy had appeared at Court during the Christmas festivities and another attempt had been made to bring about a match between us. The Queen had been eager for it; she still wanted me safely out of the way; but Philip had not insisted that I marry Philibert, which he might so easily have done, and the reason was, I guessed, that he was looking ahead. If Mary died he would secure the crown of England for Spain by marrying me… heretic or not. I'll swear he thought he could soon subdue me on that point. No, no, Master Philip, I thought. Admire me, make your plans, imagine yourself my doting husband, if you will, but it is not to be, for I want no husband. When I am the Queen of England I shall be the Queen … absolute Queen with no husband beside me attempting to usurp my power.

After that illness, Mary had changed. She had given up hope of bearing a child, so Philip had discovered that he had duties in Spain and when he left Mary was heartbroken.

I think I owed something to Philip of Spain. I have said his attitude to me had been one of friendship, even something warmer, but at the same time he would have been ready to agree to my elimination if I had threatened his political schemes. However, instead of setting him against me, the fact that Mary was not going to bear a child had made him eager to preserve my life. I was sure he thought of marrying me. Mary Queen of Scots presented a problem. She had already staked her claim to the English throne. I suppose Philip thought it was better to have a heretic Queen for England— whom he might marry and convert—than that the French should become too powerful in England through Mary of Scotland.

So I had not only moved nearer to the throne but stepped out of imminent danger. Of course men like Gardiner and certainly the French Ambassador would seek to destroy me, but the Spanish Ambassador would not wish me to die if my continuing to live was important to Philip of Spain. So my danger was slightly less than it had been, since my powerful and influential enemies had decreased.