Back To Back - Cameron Chelsea M.. Страница 16

“You probably hate me,” I say. This was a bad idea. Hell, he could kill me if he wanted to. I know he’s got weapons on him. I’ve just got a little knife in my boot, but up against Cash’s strength, I’d be doomed.

His eyes narrow and he studies my face for a long time before taking another sip of coffee.

“No, I don’t hate you. I hate some of the things you did, but I understand why you did them. And it’s not like I’m a paragon of virtue either.” That’s definitely true. None of us are innocents. We’re all a bunch of criminals.

“I hate them too, so that makes two of us,” I say. He laughs again.

“He loves you, you know,” he says.

I shake my head.

“No. He loved the game. He loved playing the part. Whatever we had before is gone.” Notwithstanding the amazing chemistry we have between the sheets. Or up against the door. Or on the couch.

He shakes his head slowly.

“I’m going to be straight with you, Saige. I don’t trust you.”

“Fair enough,” I say. I don’t trust him either.

“But I’ve never seen Sylas the way he was when he was with you. He seemed calm and happy and it was nice to see him focus on something. He’s been a little lost lately.” So had I, before I met him. “You took a huge risk coming here and telling me about your feelings. I have to respect that.” I’m waiting for the “but.”

“I think you’re good for each other. So, yes, I’ll help you.” I exhale a shaky breath and clench my hands together.

“Why?” He has absolutely nothing to gain by helping me. In fact, if Sylas found out, it would cause a huge rift between the two men. I have the sense they don’t keep many secrets from each other.

He shrugs.

“Because one of us should be happy. And… maybe I’m a romantic.” His cheeks go just a shade darker. He’s blushing. Cash is blushing.

“You’re a romantic?” I say, raising an eyebrow. This guy is… something else. I can almost see why he and Sylas would be friends.

“Absolutely. If I don’t believe in anything else, I believe in love.”

“What about revenge?” I ask. He waves that off.

“Oh, I believe in that too, but love does a lot more good in the world.”

I’m… stunned. Actually stunned.

“I told him I’d be honest with him from here on out,” I say when I can form words again.

“And are you going to stick to that?” I put both hands around the coffee cup.

“I just wish we’d met outside of all this. Run into each other naturally.”

“But you didn’t and now you have to figure out how to move on from where you are. You’ll be connected for the rest of your lives by Lizzy.” I flinch a little at the mention of her name.

“Have you always known Sylas had a sister?”

He sighs.

“I suspected, but I didn’t have confirmation until he told me after your little kidnapping drama.” Wow. So Sylas doesn’t tell Cash everything. Interesting.

“I must say you’re not my favorite person right now. I was supposed to be on a beach with a topless blonde next to me, but here I am, back in the city.” Does he want an apology?

“I’m sorry?” I say and it’s more like a question.

He chuckles.

“It’s fine. Life sometimes takes you in different directions than you intended and it’s like you were supposed to be going in that direction all along. I know your father wants to meet with Sylas and offer him a job.”

“Not just him,” I blurt out and then want to kick myself. I’ve lost it. I’ve lost all my ability to keep a goddamn secret.

Cash raises a dark eyebrow.

“Really?”

“I’m not supposed to be talking about this, but yes, he wants all of you. Not to work for him, but to work with him. Like… private contractors. Off the books, of course. He wants to expand his operation and he wouldn’t even have to train you because you already know what you’re doing. Plus, he has resources to keep you safe and out of jail.” I need to shut my mouth now. I clamp my jaw shut and wait for him to speak.

“Well, that all sounds interesting, but I highly doubt the rest of the guys will go for it. They don’t trust anyone, and your lovely father just screwed us all over.” He says it all with a smile, though, as if he thinks it’s a funny joke. I can’t get a read on this guy.

“That’s what I expected,” I say. I’m not going to tell him Dad has files on each of Sylas’ buddies and could very easily blackmail them into the job if necessary. I’ve said more than enough.

“Are you going to tell Sylas about any of this?” I ask.

“No, I’m not. It would only cause more trouble than it’s worth. But if you really want to try the honesty thing with him, you should. If you want him to trust you, ever, you’re going to have to rip yourself open and show him everything. All the ugly little corners of your soul.” I close my eyes, thinking about that.

“And what if he doesn’t want me, even after I do that?” When did this turn into a twisted therapy session?

He shrugs.

“Then at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot and it just wasn’t meant to be.” That’s not comforting at all.

I finish my coffee. Cash finishes his and takes both our cups to return them so they can be washed.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I say.

“Love is almost never planned. It happens and when it does, you no longer have a choice.”

I feel that way. Like Sylas and I were somehow inevitable. If we hadn’t met like this, we would have been drawn together another way. I wish it would have been another way.

“Buck up, sweetheart. He loves you too. So you’re already halfway there,” he says, patting my shoulder, nearly knocking it out of the socket as we walk out.

“Thanks. For everything.”

“Just give me a shout if you ever want to talk,” he says, giving me another hug. This time he does lift me off the ground and I’m a little wobbly when he sets me back down.

“See you later,” he says, walking away. Well, Cash doesn’t walk. He lumbers. I stand there, staring after him wondering what the hell just happened.

I want to do something for Sylas. Not a gift but something I can give him that shows I’m serious. That I’m not lying anymore.

My first inclination is sex, but I know that’s not going to be enough. I get home from my little coffee date with Cash and pace my apartment, hoping something will jump out at me.

I go to my bookshelf, seeking inspiration and then it hits me.

A letter. I’m going to write him a letter.

By the time my alarm goes off the next morning to tell me to get up, I have a stack of paper on my bed, sore hands and crumpled and torn bits everywhere. It took all night, but I did it. I wrote everything out. Everything I always wanted to tell him when we were together. All the secrets.

It’s just what Cash said. Showing him the ugly corners of my soul.

I fold the pages together and shove them in a manila envelope because there are too many to just shove in a regular one.

I scrawl his name on the front and hurry to get ready.

The BMW is nowhere to be found when I park down the street from his apartment, but that doesn’t mean anything. He might have returned it to the garage, or be riding around with one of the other guys.

I have a dark hoodie pulled up over my hair so it’s not visible and I’ve got dark sunglasses as well.

I’ve broken into his place more than a few times so it’s only a matter of making sure that he’s not there. I make my way across the street and to the door. I’m being reckless. Far too reckless.

But I’m past caring. I just need him to see this letter. I walk quietly up the stairs and down the hall. I almost hold my breath as I press my ear to the crack in his door.