In Your Heart - Smeltzer Micalea. Страница 43

Ezra let out a heavy sigh and crossed his hands behind his head. He wouldn’t look at me and that began to worry me. I stayed where I was, refusing to be the first one to break the silence.

“What have we done?” He asked, staring out at the sparkling ocean.

“What do you mean?”

He lowered his hands and plopped in the sand, draping his arms over his knees. “I knew this was a bad fucking idea, but I wanted you too much to say no,” he continued, “but this fucking sucks, Sadie. Anytime another guy even glances in your direction I want to punch him in the face.” He slowly raised his head and his dark gaze connected with mine. “I’m not allowed to have those feelings. You’re not mine.”

You’re not mine. Those words stung like a slap to my face.

“This is just sex. It’s not real.”

It’s not real. Another slap.

It was tearing me apart that he didn’t return my feelings, but I was still all too willing to take what he would give me for however long. The pain was worth knowing what it felt like to be held in his arms.

“Right?”

His voice startled me from my thoughts. I sat down beside him, crossing my legs in the sand. I picked up a handful of sand and watched it sift through my open fingers.

“Right,” I echoed, immediately hating that word. How could a word that by its very definition meant correct feel so undeniably wrong?

He reached over and took my hand in his, holding it until he was forced to let go.

I wished so desperately that we could have more than stolen moments, but wishing gets you nowhere, because wishes don’t exist.

As our friends joined us once more we headed out to lunch and then back to the beach house. Both of us forced our conversation out of our minds.

We had to.

At least I did, because letting myself believe for one single second that I’d heard a note of longing in his voice when he asked me if he was right, would lead me to feel nothing but anguish later on because it would give me hope, and hope was suffocating.

We laid around on the beach for a while before the guys got the brilliant idea to play beach volleyball. They were forcing all of us to play too, except for Remy. Mathias glared at his brother and friends, daring them to go against his wishes and let her play.

Remy was fine with sitting out though, which I knew made Mathias feel relieved.

There was already a net set up on the beach, between our house and the next one, which was currently vacant, but we didn’t have a ball. All three guys—minus Mathias who chose to stay behind with Remy—headed to the store.

While they were gone the rest of us ventured into the house to cool off. My skin felt heated to the touch, but I wasn’t burned, unlike poor Arden who was starting to look a little red. She hadn’t been exaggerating about the whole lobster thing.

I poured myself a glass of ice water and took a seat at one of the kitchen stools.

Emma ventured in and fixed a glass of water too. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun and she wore a sheer ivory cover-up over her bikini. It had fringe on the hem, which made it very Emma-like.

She sat down beside me and I smiled. “So…do you want to see what I’ve sketched for your dress?” The wedding was fast approaching so I had to start the actual process of making her dress soon, so I hoped she loved what I’d come up with.

“Ooh! Yes!” Her blue eyes glimmered with excitement. “I wanna see!”

“Wait here.” I instructed her before running upstairs to grab my sketchpad.

I returned with it clutched in my hands and I bounced with excitement. I was nervous too, though. There was the very real possibility that she might hate what I’d come up with.

“Lemme see!” She held out her hands in a grabbing motion.

I suddenly felt very unsure of my design. I reluctantly handed it over. I wanted to close my eyes so that I didn’t have to see her reaction if she hated it, but I manned up and held my chin high. It was her dress and if she didn’t like it, that was her right, but my designs were my babies.

Her mouth fell open and a small gasp emitted from her lips. “Sadie,” her voice was full of awe, “this is amazing.”

“Really?” A huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.

“I know I didn’t give you much to go on, but this? This is perfect. It’s more than I could’ve dreamed of.” She reached out and tentatively ran her fingers over the sketch.

I’d opted to go simple for the dress, but kept within Emma’s personal bohemian style. I wanted her to be comfortable in it and feel like herself. The shoulders were bare, but a lace draping went around the top of the dress adding more support and ending above her elbows. The dress was fitted against the stomach and then billowed out slightly around the hips, before ending in a short train with more lace detailing.

“I’ll get your measurements when we get home and then we can look at fabric together so that you get something you like.”

“Thank you.” She set the sketchpad aside and reached out to hug me.

I hugged her back fiercely. She might be driving me nuts with her meddling, but she was still my best friend. We’d grown up together, shared each other’s good moments and the bad ones too, and I knew I was lucky to have her on my side.

The front door opened and Emma thrust the sketchpad into my hands. “Hide this before Maddox sees,” she hissed.

I hurried for the stairs and had only climbed three when I felt eyes glued to my ass.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His voice poured over me like sticky honey, rooting me to the spot.

I casually looked over my shoulder, taking in his tousled black curls and searing brown-eyed gaze. He could be so intense sometimes.

“To my room,” I answered, finally finding my voice.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Maddox strolled by then and asked him a question.

The spell was broken.

I ran up the rest of the stairs, and the next set as well.

I was out of breath from the climb, but my racing heart? That was all Ezra.

I quickly put my sketchpad away before joining everybody outside for volleyball.

“I think we should do guys versus girls.” Hayes declared. The other guys nodded in agreement.

“That’s not fair,” I argued, “There are four of you and three of us since Remy’s sitting out.”

“I’ll sit out.” Mathias volunteered. His eyes already strayed to Remy where she sat a few yards away on a beach towel with her hands resting on her round stomach.

The other guys nodded at his declaration. They probably didn’t want the liability of having him on their team anyway, since he’d be distracted checking on Remy every five seconds. Hopefully he’d relax once she had the baby, but somehow I doubted it.

“So, now are we good with guys versus girls?” Hayes asked me, grinning widely.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “depends on if you’re ready to lose or not.”

“Ooh,” Hayes mock-winced, “the trash talking has begun already. Me likey.”

“Shut up.” Emma glowered, and stole the ball from his hands.

“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Hayes whispered conspiratorially. “Maddox, you better do a better job of making sure your woman wakes up happy. You know, maybe a little oral in the morning.”

Emma gasped and threw the ball at his head. It bounced off and Ezra caught it.

Hayes rubbed the side of his head, and mumbled something, before joining the other two guys on one side of the net.

“We better beat them.” I told Emma and Arden.

“Oh, it’s on,” Emma agreed, still glaring at Hayes.

“I’m not very good at sports,” Arden admitted, glancing over in worry at Mia.

Mia was sitting with Remy and Mathias. Remy had the little girl sitting in front of her and was braiding her hair.