Tainted Black - Williams Shanora. Страница 53

My sniffles calmed as his voice hummed through me, the tears slowly drying. What the hell? Was he serious?

“Look, I told her about you once before, and she remembered. She knows what you are to me… to Izzy. She has Izzy’s number. She said she’d call her, Chloe. Fucking Izzy. She said she’d tell her everything. I fucking panicked, and I knew if I kicked her out, she’d call first thing and fuck up everything.”

“W-what?” I gasped then jerked away, not because I didn’t believe him, but because this was bad. Really bad.

“Wait—why would she threaten you? She wants you back?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. The drop of his head and how it hung in shame was proof enough.

“Theo, oh my God,” I swiped my face. “This cannot be happening right now!”

“I was trying to tell you. She knows… she knows everything. She stayed last night, but I didn’t sleep with her. I got her drunk and let her pass out on the couch.” I could imagine it vividly. I was sure she tried to seduce him, touch him, and even offer to suck him off. She was a girl that thrived on sex. I despised her existence. “I thought I could get into her phone, delete Izzy’s number, but it’s locked.” He scratched his head out of nervous habit. “I tried, Chloe. I swear I did, but until I get that number deleted or get her to leave me alone, I have to keep seeing her.”

“Theo, no.” I placed my hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “I’m sure she’s going to write it down as soon as she gets the chance. She may seem dumb, but I have a feeling she’s not. Why else would she threaten to snitch? She’s gonna need a backup plan.”

“Shit,” he hissed.

I looked down, battling tears again. Silence surrounded us, and when it occurred to me what we would have to do, I wanted to cry. “There’s… only one thing we can do.” I stole a peek at him, and as if he had the same thought, his face went stone cold. He hated the idea, but deep down, he knew I was right. “We have to tell Izzy.”

Theo stared at me for several seconds, then he walked past me, dropping on the sofa. “I—shit, we can’t do that.”

“What other choice do we have?” My voice was thick. I walked towards him, taking the spot on his left. “I’ve had this planned out in case she ever found out. I’ll tell her that it was my fault. That I tempted you, and we got carried away.”

He groaned, his face planted in his hands. “She’ll never believe that. She knows how you are and how much you value your relationship with her. She’ll know it was me.” He dropped his hands. “Fuck, man, I’ll lose her. I know I will. She won’t forgive me, and if she does, she’ll never look at me the same. She won’t trust me… she won’t come home.” He looked down, brown eyes glossy. “She’s all I have, man. Her and you. I can’t afford to lose both. Because I know if she finds out, I won’t just be losing her, I’ll be losing you too. You’ll regret it. You’ll hate yourself for ruining your friendship with her, and that’ll leave you no choice but to stay away from the person that intervened. Me. We can’t, Chloe.”

I watched his eyes and saw the loneliness within them. The gloom was clear. He knew we’d fucked up the moment we decided to touch each other. He knew his daughter, how stubborn she was. He also knew that she’d jump to conclusions about him, consider him a fuck-up husband to Mrs. Black because he had sex with me only six weeks after her death.

It wasn’t nearly enough time to heal. She’d blame him and tell him straight to his face that he was a coward that never loved his wife and was ready to move on. I knew because he told me she called him a pussy for not waiting for Mrs. Black after the bakery party. I knew Izzy just as well as I knew him. They were alike in ways, but when it came to acceptance, that was one trait Izzy was shy of.

She wouldn’t understand; she wouldn’t get it. She’d wonder about it for the rest of her life, most likely questioning our friendship. She’d try and say it was all bullshit, that I stuck around to get closer to Theo, but really it wasn’t. I loved Izzy, but I broke her heart three years ago, and she didn’t even know it.

“I’m so sorry for this mess,” Theo apologized. He grabbed my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I stared down at our fingers, the silver band that he never took off now missing from his ring finger. The tan mark was no longer there. It blended in with the rest of his olive skin. “Look, how about I cook you some dinner? We can talk about this.”

I dropped my head, and with a calmness that nowhere near justified all I was feeling, I stood, releasing his hand. “No, I think I should go. You know neither of us can think when we’re around each other. I’m nothing but a distraction for you.”

He shot to a stand as I backed away to the door. “Don’t say shit like that, Chloe.” He marched forward, clasping my face in his hands and forcing me to look at him. “Don’t say stupid shit to me—don’t say shit you don’t even believe. You aren’t a distraction. You have never been a distraction for me.”

“No? Then what am I?”

He released my face, watching my sullen eyes. “You are everything to me.” He blinked, his hands capping my shoulders. With his lips on my forehead, he whispered. “Everything. I love you. Never think twice about that.”

I swallowed thickly, but I allowed him to hold me. Why? Because I really needed to be held. Yes, we needed to talk this through, but it couldn’t happen in that moment. In that moment, I was vulnerable, and all of my emotions had been put on display. I needed space—time to myself. I needed it to be just me.

So I left Theo with a swift kiss on the lips and then the cheek, and he watched me walk across the street and into my house. As I shut the door behind me, my eyes flashed to Sterling who was sitting on the sofa, flipping channels with the TV remote. When he saw it was me walking through the door, he perked up, asking, “What in the hell was that about?”

I ignored him, slightly rolling my eyes as I made my way up the staircase. My door slammed, and I flopped on my bed, face-first. The cool sheets smothered the visible shame, and unfortunately, I could still breathe.

I didn’t deserve to breathe.

I didn’t deserve this shitty lifestyle.

I didn’t deserve to hide, suffer, or cry.

I deserved to be Chloe Knight.

Happy, carefree, and not so… guilty.

TWENTY-ONE

Two weeks.

That’s how much time went by, each day inching by like a snail on a hot summer day.

In between sneaking in and out of his house and having to be updated on when Trixie was gone, we tried to work something out. Of course we tried over and over again to stop seeing each other—end it all cold turkey, no looking back—but it was damn near impossible.

I couldn’t ignore him.

Not even when he moved. Luckily, Trixie didn’t know where his new place was right away, so she didn’t get the opportunity to show up like I could, but during the middle of our arrangements, she made an approach, demanding his address. I saw her show up at Theo’s house, angry about the For Sale sign pitched in the yard.

I despised her. I wanted to bash her skull in plenty of times. I could have done it the day she stopped by, but that wasn’t me. I was too good of a person, and at times, I considered myself a pushover. I had a backbone, but it was very fragile.

There was one day we had all to ourselves. An entire day and night since Trixie had a double shift. I got lucky, and Theo did something different. He took me to a tattoo parlor in L.A. He only trusted one person, some artist named Rob at Coast & Ink. The shop was neat. I’d never been in one before. Izzy and I always talked about getting matching tattoos but never got the chance to.