Slow Twitch - Реинхардт Лиз. Страница 54

I knew the words were swimming on the page in front of him. Jake had severe dyslexia and reading was completely taxing for him. He got through with books on tape, and sometimes I even read the books myself and recorded them for him; not this.

It was my own.

I cringed just imagining what it would be like to read it to him.

He’d have to do this one on his own.

“I can’t really explain.” I stopped and tried to explain, but all I could come up with was that most pathetic excuse of an explanation. “It’s complicated.”

He groaned. “Don’t say that word. Please don’t.”

“Why not?” I reached for his hand, but he flinched slightly, and I backed off. “That’s the word that fits.”

“It’s like a code word.” He scanned the paper absently. “It means that you said things that are probably going to break my fucking heart.”

I bit my lip and shook my head, not sure what to say, or if, maybe, I should just shut up and not say anything. “I don’t know what to tell you, Jake. I wrote what I felt. And I can tell you right now that I love you so much. I loveyou. What I feel for you is way beyond what I feel for Saxon.”

“But you do feel something for Saxon?” His jaw went hard and stiff.

“Of course,” I answered, my word choked. “You know that. It doesn’t mean I feel the same kind of thing for him that I feel for you.”

He shook his head, the paper in his hands. I really, really didn’t think he was going to leave. He’d never stood me up for a date before. Hanging out together was always so important to both of us.

“I better go read this.” He got up stiffly and held the paper in his hands.

“It’s not…I don’t think it’s going to be as crazy as you think.” I tried desperately to smooth it out before he left. “It’s just…I mean it’s not…bad. Or I don’t think it will be bad when you read it all. And it was about it all, so lots of it is about things in the past. Done. Over with.” I put my hands over my face. I was at such a loss for words, I didn’t know what to do.

He leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss on the mouth. “I’ll call you, okay?”

It didn’t seem real. I had been looking forward to spending the day with him way more than I realized. I wished I had never answered the phone when Devon called this morning. I wished I had just kept my mouth shut.

But if he was pissed just based on the vague idea of something I wrote, he had to see the whole thing, and I was going to have to deal with what came next. I was a little nervous about what he would think of it, but it was better to have shown him.

Wasn’t it?

I heard him say good-bye to Evan. I strained my ears to hear what they talked about, but it was all murmurs. When Evan walked in, her mouth was set in a tight, straight line.

“I fucked up again, right?” My voice was clogged with tears.

Evan grabbed my hand and kissed it. “It’s only because he worries that you’re not going to wind up with him, Bren.”

“I promised I wouldn’t make him feel that again. And then I go and do this kind of stupid shit.” I shook my head. “I felt to smart and awesome when I was writing it.”

“Can I see?” she asked. I pointed to the laptop where it was still up, and Evan sat and read. Her eyes went wide and she smiled. When she finally looked up at me, she didn’t look like she was facing the world’s worst girlfriend. “It’s gorgeous, sweetie. And honest. And true. Jake may not like it, but he loves you, and he’s going to realize that that essay is all you, right to the last period. It will all be fine.”

I lay down on the bed and let Evan spoon me, and we told funny jokes, talked about what her first day at her probable new school might be like, listened to music, and laughed to pass the time until she had to leave to get on her plane, where she would go home to her wreck of a life while I tried to clean up the mess I’d made.

  Chapter Eleven

Saxon

So maybe I was having a little too much fun playing the hero. Don’t hate me because I’m smart as hell.

Or at least partially smart as hell.

Because I had pretty much become an honorary member of the Erikson family. Everyone loved me.

Except Cadence.

So, it was a pretty major snag in an otherwise flawless plan to get her to like me. I thought beating the crap out of Jeff the Asshole would have made her feel something good for me. I don’t know what she felt about it, because she wouldn’t talk to me. She only said what was absolutely required as a polite human being. Nothing more. At all.

Even Rosalie warmed up to me in a big way. She’s always liked me, but even her liking someone was always pretty much at arm’s length. She pulled me aside a day after the whole incident in the parking lot and hugged me. That sounds so normal, for a mom to hug a guy who protected her daughter, but this was scary-ass Rosalie who made grown men cry and radiated intimidating nastiness.

“That Jeff guy is lucky I didn’t get my hands on him first. I swear to God I would have stomped his goddamn guts out,” she sneered, her eyes getting that evil, scary glint. “But I wasn’t there, and I’m glad you were. He can shove his lawsuits up his ass. Nobody lays a finger on my baby.” She hugged me again, Sullie squeezed between the two of us. She was warm and soft and sweet smelling, the physical polar opposite of what I expected based on her prickly demeanor. “You bring your aunt to our place for dinner tonight. I’ll make you chili that will knock your socks off.”

So began my celebrity status with the Erikson family. Pammy and Jimmy wanted play-by-plays of the whole thing, Tony couldn’t wipe the smile off his face when he saw me, and Rosalie pinched and hugged me whenever I was around.

Cadence was the only one who didn’t seem to even acknowledge my presence in the room.

We ate dinner together, laughed, and joked, and Cadence wasn’t sulky or upset. She was just quiet and unresponsive. When I did catch her eye, it looked like she wanted to say something to me. But it felt like it might be a little more, “ You’re a two bit asshole, Saxon” than “ I love you for what you did, Saxon.”

Shit.

Not that what I did was so fucking selfless; I loved a good brawl as much as the next brawler, and it felt great to knock Jeff square in his flat nose. Everyone wound up telling me what they really thought about Jeff and how much they appreciated what I’d done.

Cadence was the only one who’d been silent about the whole thing.

After dinner -- and the chili did knock my damn socks off -- Aunt Helene pulled me aside. “Saxon, lovey,” she sighed, “that girl don’t want your nonsense.”

“What do you mean?” I had a belly full of delicious beans and spice and my head was barely sitting right on my shoulders from all the pro-Saxon talk at the dinner table.

“She wants someone to see her. The real her. Not her family. Not just that pretty face. If you don’t show her that’s what you see, she’s not going to be interested. Smarten up, boy.” She tapped me on the temple with a pointy fingernail.

I kissed her on the head because she’s so fucking the real deal, it’s disgusting. And I thought about what she had to say. I actually spent a really decent amount of time thinking about what Aunt Helene said.

I did see Cadence.

I saw how she could juggle a dozen cars’ worth of orders at a time. I saw how she was stressed and wanted more and better, like college and fun nights out, but she loved her family and wouldn’t leave them high and dry. I saw that she was careful to let guys see her as pretty and a little funny and basically smart, but deep inside she was way crazier, way sharper, and sillier. She didn’t want to let that all out most of the time, but she’d done it. That infamous Chinese-food-and-nail-polish debacle showed me that she was just waiting to bust out and, hopefully, right into my waiting arms.