In Your Heart - Smeltzer Micalea. Страница 58

“Sadie—” He reached for me.

I took three steps away from him. “No,” I said firmly. “Don’t touch me. Don’t try to stop me. Don’t say anything. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

He swallowed thickly and he looked like he was in pain. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” I nodded. “You’re a good guy, Ezra. Really, you are. This isn’t your fault.”

I turned to go and he whispered, “I don’t want you to go.”

I closed my eyes and paused for one short second. “I have to.”

I walked away as fast as my legs would carry me and behind me I heard the guys berating Ezra. I even heard Maddox step out of the room and say, “Dude, if you love her make her yours.”

But he didn’t love me, because if he did he would’ve never let me walk away.

I WAS NUMB.

That was the only excuse I could come up with as to why I wasn’t currently bawling my eyes out. Especially considering all the tears I shed over Braden and I hadn’t loved him the way I loved Ezra.

God, my life was a fucking mess.

I stuffed all of my clothes and toiletries into my suitcase. It didn’t take long until there wasn’t a single trace of me left in his house. Selfishly, I hoped a small part of him would miss me. It was stupid, but I wanted him to hurt in someway. Although, his hurt would never compare to the pain I felt when walking out of the hospital and leaving behind my mangled heart crushed in his hands.

I hurried down the steps, my heavy suitcase clomping behind me.

I paused in the kitchen and removed his key from my key ring. I tossed it haphazardly on the counter and it clanked against the goldfish bowl. Toby swam into his lime green castle to hide away from the sound.

“Sorry Toby,” I muttered.

A part of me wanted to take the fish with me, but I didn’t know the rules when it came to fish-parent custody and I didn’t want him to use that as an excuse to come after me.

Although, I guessed if he was going to come after me he would’ve followed me here, which he hadn’t.

“Fuck you, Ezra Collins,” I muttered angrily to myself as I threw open the door, “fuck you and everything you make me feel.”

Outside I shoved my suitcase into my car.

When I drove away I didn’t look back.

I pulled into the driveway of my parent’s home and knocked on the door. I had a key, but I didn’t want to intrude.

My mom opened the door after only a few seconds.

“Sadie, is everything okay?” She was surprised to see me.

“No.” I began to wilt as she pushed open the screen door and pulled me inside. “Everything is a big puddle of suck. Why are boys so stupid?”

“Aw, Sadie.” She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me fiercely. “Boys never grow up. That’s their problem.”

“Is it okay if I stay here for a few days?”

She held me back by my shoulders and nodded. “You can stay here as long as you need to, sweetie. You know that.” She took my hand and led me into the kitchen. “Your dad’s out back starting the grill, but I made brownies this afternoon. Do you want some?”

I perked up slightly. “Do you have whipped cream?”

“Of course,” she said, heading to the refrigerator.

She fixed me a piece of brownie on a plate with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. It was delicious, but it did nothing to fill the gaping hole in my heart.

The back door slid open and my dad stepped inside. “Hey, Princess.” He greeted me with a kiss on the top of my head.

My dad was a tall, large, bear of a man. Some people found him scary and intimidating, but he was really a big softy. Especially when it came to my little sister and me.

He pulled out a chair and sat down beside me. “Have you been crying?” His eyes zeroed in on my face. I was sure my mascara was smudged and my eyes were probably red. When I didn’t answer he huffed, “Okay, who do I need to punch in the face? If it’s that prick you were going to marry I might just run him over with my car.”

I laughed. Leave it to my dad to make me laugh even when I felt like curling in a ball to die.

“No, it’s not him.”

“Richard,” my mom said lightly, “why don’t you take the burgers out and put them on the grill.”

“But—” He protested.

“Now, please.”

“Fine.” He grumbled. He stood and pointed a finger at me. “She might be dismissing me, but I will find out who hurt my baby girl.”

He grabbed the plate from her and headed out the back door once more, grumbling the whole way.

“Why don’t we go to the living room?” She suggested. “We’ll be more comfortable in there.”

“Sure…and do you think I could have another brownie?”

She laughed and took the plate from me. “You might as well eat them now. Once your dad starts in on them they’ll be gone in minutes.”

She fixed me another brownie and I followed her into the living room. The couch was a large black leather sectional that they’d had since my siblings and I were kids. There was still a long streak on the back of it from a silver sharpie.

I sat down and the cushions molded around me.

“Now, tell me what happened.” My mom sat down beside me and patted my knee gently.

While devouring my brownie I told her everything. I told her how Ezra had always been there for me, and how great he’d been when I needed a place to say. I even told her about our deal. I explained how I’d always felt around him and how in the past two months I’d discovered that I was in love with him, but that he didn’t feel the same way about me.

“Honey,” she looked at me sadly, “how would you know he doesn’t love you. Did you ever really give him a chance?”

I wiped a streak of whipped cream off of my lip. “He had plenty of chances.”

“Well…” She paused. “He’s a guy, Sadie. You know how boys are with their feelings.”

“I told him I loved him and he just stood there.” I looked down at the now empty plate.

“Maybe he was shocked,” she defended.

“Hey,” I pointed my fork at her, “whose side are you on here?”

She smiled. “Yours. Always. You know that. But I’ve also seen Ezra enough to know that he’s the quiet, guarded type. You’re…” She paused, searching for the right words. “You’re like a tornado. You blaze through town with this wild energy, not caring what kind of disruption you cause.” I pouted and she laughed. “That’s not a bad thing, Sadie. I’m just saying he’s different. He’s the quiet moody poet in the corner while you’re the one spinning through the room making a spectacle of yourself. All I’m trying to tell you is not everyone deals with things the same way.”

I leaned my head back on the couch. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t it?”

I shook my head. “I just want to move past this.”

She grew quiet and stared at me for a moment. “I think you should talk to him.”

I grunted in response. “I don’t think so. I did plenty of talking today.”

“It sounds to me like you didn’t really give him a chance to respond.”

“No, I didn’t,” I agreed. “But I couldn’t stand there in the middle of a hospital and let his friends hear him shoot me down. I know he would’ve told me that he only ever wanted to be friends and that he was sorry he couldn’t return my feelings.”

“But how do you know he would’ve said that?” She argued.

“I just know.” I grumbled. “Look,” I stood up, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Okay.” She sat calmly with her hands in her laps. “The conversation is forgotten then.”

“Good,” I nodded. Wringing my hands together, I smiled sheepishly. “Are you sure it’s okay if I stay here? I found a place of my own, but I need to get furniture and everything.”

“You know you don’t need to ask.”

“Thanks, mom.” I lowered and kissed her cheek.